NO THIS IS NOT A DIARY!
by Sirious Girl
Summary: Sirius Black has got a well 'book' to write down his thoughts, most of them centered around a particular girl. Lot's of Marauder intrusions, Peter teasing, Lily loving, and Peter hating. please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Charms Class

Desk Across From Remus, Next to James, Behind Peter

Well, this has been another thoroughly boring morning, thank Merlin I got to chat up Angela Chrimson over the buttered biscuits at breakfast this morning or it would have been an UTTER WASTE OF A DAY. I mean really, Transfiguration, History of Magic, Charms... talk about a waste of beauty sleep for anyone but Moony and Lily "stick up her rear" Evans.

**HEY! LILY DOES NOT HAVE A STICK UP HER REAR! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT HERE ANYWAY? A DIARYY?- PRONGS**

YES YES ALRIGHT PRONGSIE WONGSIE. AND NO ITS NOT A DIARY, BUT OH MY I THINK LILY JUST SNEEZED HURRY GO BLESS HER!- PADFOOT

Praise Merlin it's time to go! I have to dash and stop James before he meets up with Lily and suffers through more heartbreak. Poor lad he's really wrapped around that girls finger.

Anyowls, sorry no privacy around here. Where was I? Oh right, my waste of beauty sleep, I need a full 3 hours to keep looking as gorgeous as I do and its a terrible shame when it is wasted on a day as sorry as this one! Tsk tsk its a trapestry...

_I THINK YOU MEAN TRAVESTY PADFOOT- MOONY_

WELL THANK YOU FOR THE UPDATE MATE!- PADFOOT

Likewise with the no privacy there many apologies. Anyowls, I am bored out of my beautiful mind, I might send Professor Flitfuck... I mean Flitwick a memo that kindly states nobody likes this class. HAHA, it would get old Lily's knickers in a right twist, probably Moony's too. I swear on my shampoo Moony's going to turn into a girl if he doesn't loosen up.

HAR HAR! HE ALREADY HAS A 'TIME OF THE MONTH'- WORMTAIL

WOW THANK YOU FOR THAT WORMYTAILY- PADFOOT

I am considering putting a shield charm on you, with these nosy people around always sticking their faces in my business. Speaking of noses, Snape's is looking extra greasy today, I think it might even be dripping oil. Poor Basia Weatherfield has to sit in front of him too, she must have to wash her hair straight away after this class. She probably can handle it that Basia though, she's a tough girl let me tell you, I mean she has to be she's best friends with old Stick up her Rear Evans. I guess a little oil is like a walk in the park --compared to the hours and hours of study time Lily must force upon her. Basia is a down girl though, so maybe that doesn't even bother her.

-----

Defense Against the Dark Arts

Left or Remus, Right of James, In front of Peter

Lunch was dull, what is it with today? I sat next to Basia Weatherfield and asked her about her hair. It's really quite long and has all these pretty bright blonde curls, she's actually a very pretty girl with these blue eyes to match. To bad she's so little only 5"1, otherwise she could be featured in that girl magazine... Whine Weekly or Witch Weekly one or the other. Anyowls, she said she just pulled her chair in real close to the desk, in case Snape shakes his head and sprays oil. I agreed that was a safe plan to do so, and we were having a sweet conversation until Miss Fussy Knickers showed up and rained on the parade. That Lily Evans has real knack for raining on the parade. So she and Basia headed off to the library and I was thus forced to listen to Moony drone on about some hideously boring topic, probably toenail clippings... or Herbology. There was a short bright moment when Star Sanders told me to meet up with her later, but was killed quickly when Moony told me that I was a player, I was also meeting Angela tonight. I told you he's a girly pants.

_I WOULD APPRECIATE GREATLY IF YOU WOULD REFRAIN FROM CALLING ME GIRLY PANTS!- MOONY_

THANK YOU FOR SHARING- PADFOOT

Moony is a terrible funsucker. Just last week me and James- sorry James and I- were all up for a game of Swig, Chug, Boot when BAM old Moony put the stoppers on it. I swear when he did it he had Lily's face on. When I explained this to him however, he told me I had yet to boot all my swigging and chugging. I know how much girlier can your pants get?

**WHATCHA DOING?- PRONGS**

SLOWLY DYING UNDER THE PAINFUL LECTURES OF PROFESSOR MYGEN- PADFOOT

**WHAT ELSE ARE YAH DOING?- PRONGS**

MAKING FUN OF MOONY- PADFOOT

**AND WHERE ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MOONY?- PRONGS**

ERR? IN DADA?- PADFOOT

**NO! IN YOUR DIARY! HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA YOU HAVE A DIARY!- PRONGS**

GET OUT OR I'LL MAKE WORMTAIL PEE IN YOUR BED TONIGHT!- PADFOOT

**WHATEVER YOU SAY DIARY BOY- PRONGS**

I swear, that James Potter instinuating I AM the girly pants of the group. Like I could even try to take that title away from Moony, he'd murder me at his time of the month. Ugh, sorry Wormtail moment there, usually my insults are much higher on the scale. I think my brain is clouding from lack of fun today though. Wouldn't be the first time, I mean Merlin all my professors whine about how poor my grades but really how about a little fun. Couldn't they have cheerleaders doing back flips while the lesson was going on? I mean sure Mr. Girly Pants and his female counterpart Miss Stick up her Ass might be annoyed, but the general public (Me...James... Anyone else normal) would greatly appreciate it.

I'M NORMAL!- WORMTAIL

SURE YOU ARE WORMYTAILY- PADFOOT

See, more people wanting the cheerleaders, I'll send a letter to Dumbledore straight away, I'm sure I'll send it before we graduate, or I'll make Moony do it. Finally, classes are finished! I got a double decker tonight, Angela then Star. Moony would be so disgusted, I AM DOING GOOD!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Nighttime

Bed Next to James Diagonal from Remus Next to Peter

I AM ON A FYAHHHHHH. I totally scored both Angela Chrimson and Star Sanders, there very attractive girls might I add but even more attractive kissers. I might set one or both of them up with Moony Merlin knows he needs to get laid. So anyowls I took Angela out to dinner in Hogsmeade and then after about five minutes we ran back to the school and into the broom closet, ditto with Star. It was wicked sweet but now I am just postively famished. I think I will send Peter down for some food.

YOU CALLED?- WORMTAIL

I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU WORMYTAILY BUT WE ARE ALLOWED TO SPEAK. I AM RIGHT NEXT TO YOU- PADFOOT

I LIKE IT BETTER THIS WAY THOUGH. VERY AURORER- LIKE- WORMTAIL

WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT THEN MATE. ANYOWLS WILL YOU RUN DOWN TO THE KITCHEN AND GET ME FOOD BEFORE I PERISH? THANKS!- PADFOOT

WELL I...- WORMTAIL

FABULOUS SEE YOU IN A BIT THEN- PADFOOT

That Wormtail is getting less and less cooperative tsk tsk. Anyowls I think I will venture out and set Girly Pants up on a date. Merlin knows he is in dire need. And that Prongsie Boy too he needs to get over Lily and out onto the scene jelly bean. I wonder if Moony would look good with Angela, she's quite sexy with her brown hair and all. Basia Weatherfield is prettier though, not that I am into her like that just a little comment.

**SO, DIARY BOY, BASIA WEATHERFIELD?- PRONGS**

GET BACK INTO YOUR OWN BED! HONESTLY I KNOW I AM ATTRACTIVE BUT PRONGS I ONLY SHARE BEDS WITH GIRLS- PADFOOT

**GIRLS LIKE BASIA WEATHERFIELD?- PRONGS**

GRR- PADFOOT

**JEEZ WHAT'S GOT YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST THE JELLY LEGS CURSE WAS NOT NECESSARY. YOU MUST REALLY HAVE A THING FOR THIS BASIA WEATHERFIELD. LATER DIARY BOY- PRONGS**

Some people are so nosy, and need a well aimed jelly legs every now and then. Moody, for example, needs them several times a day while Prongs is good on the three times a week scale. Finallly, Wormtail is back with my food you'd think he'd walk to Kazakhstan and back in the time that took.

-----

History Of Magic

Seat Behind Basia, Table with James, Remus, Peter

Just another lovely day of nothingness in this nuthouse. Somebody ought to have a party really I mean its been a week and a half since the one I threw in honor of my striking good looks and I am just getting terribly terribly...

_**Basia's Sixteenth Birthday**_

_**Please join Basia Weatherfield in the celebration of her sixteenth year at the Three Broomsticks, this Friday Night from 8:00 to Midnight.**_

_**RSVP to Lily Evans or Basia Weatherfield: Gryffindor**_

MERLIN!! That was crazy Basia just turned around and handed me this invitation to her birthday party, just when I was thinking of parties.

_PARTIES AND BASIA...- MOONY_

I BEG YOUR PARDON- PADFOOT

_I'VE BEEN TALKING TO JAMES- MOONY_

GET OUT- PADFOOT

A PARTY!!!!!!!!!!! Yess!!!!!!!!!!!! And Basia's party no less, she's a pretty girl and pretty girls travel in packs. Shag central!!! Merlin, finally my downside was complaining of the boringness of my life.

---

Lunch

In between Peter and James, Facing Remus

OI MOONY OI!- PADFOOT

_WOW AN INVITATION INTO THIS SECRET BOOK IM HONORED. WHAT'S THE OCCASION?- MOONY_

IS IT FRIDAY NIGHT YET?- PADFOOT

_NO IT IS NOT PADFOOT. NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND I AM GOING TO GO EAT DINNER WITH THE BIG KIDS NOW, YOU JUST WAIT HERE UNTIL I COME AND GET YOU. - MOONY_

Stupid Moony, thinks he's all clever. 'I am going to go eat dinner with the big kids' HA I am so 2.7 inches taller than James, making me the TALLEST MARAUDER. HAHAHA I AM VICTORIOUS. I wonder if there's an award here at the school for that.. I'll ask Dumbledoreable later. Anyowls, how can he blame me fore getting excited huh? I mean its not like he ever does anything to entertain me!! He's always off studying in sweatervest land, really no help for me.

Lunch is great tonight by the way, I figured you'd be interested. It's chicken, mashed potatoes, grilled corn, and cooked carrots. Merlin I love food almost as much as I love making out, maybe more depending on what flavor lip gloss the girl is wearing. For example last night Star Sanders was wearing some grape flavored stuff, delicious. I like that I think, the lip gloss, Prongs says it annoying but what does he know? He can't even get his loverpants to look at him let alone snog him. Poor guy, really I feel sorry for him all hung up on a girl. THAT WON'T EVER HAPPEN TO ME!! Ooh sorry, Basia's laughing got to dash.

Transfiguration

Next to Remus, Sideways from Peter and James

We had another, you know, Lily incident at the end of lunch. Yes, yes you know how those things go it was quite ugly. So, Basia and Lily were eating 5 seats down and 2 seats over from us and Prongs decided maybe this time she'd say yes to him. So he casually leans over, accidentally severely injuring a few first years in the process oh well no big loss, and asks Lily if she'll go to Basia's party with him. Miss Stick Up Her Ass didn't respond so NATURALLY Prongs repeated himself because NATURALLY he assumed Lily didn't hear him. Again, she ignored him and continued eating her chicken sandwich until Prongs stood up on the table, accidentally sending a few plates crashing into some second years bloody funny if you ask me, and leaned down into Lily's face asking her one more time. Well, she was done ignoring him I suppose cause she smacked him HARD across the face, and said... and I quote "No Potter I will not go to Basia's party with you, or any other party or outing for that matter because you are big headed egotistical JERK. SO STOP ASKING ME AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" She ended this with another lovely smack which sent Prongs cowering back to me. Poor guy he has two handprints, its carma though for all that teasing of me about well you my manly book.

HELLO PADFOOT- WORMTAIL

WHAT DO YOU WANT WORMYTAILY?- PADFOOT

I WANTED TO SAY HELLO PADFOOT- WORMTAIL

WELL YOU DID SO BYE NOW!- PADFOOT

BYE!!- WORMTAIL

Merlin, is he weird or what? Oh, hold on Christie Yellson is turning around at me...

HA SCOREEE!!!!! She asked to Basia's party: Pafoot 1 Prongs 0. I only need 4 more dates and I'll win three free bottles of firewhiskey, oh the glory.

_NOW PADFOOT, I AM NOT SUGGESTING IN ANY WAY THAT YOUR SUPERIORITY OVER MINE IN THE DATING SCENE IS ABOUT TO BE LESSENED BUT YOU DO REALIZE YOU WILL NOT GET WITH BASIA AT HER PARTY IF YOU GO WITH CHRISTIE YELLSON- MOONY_

HMMM... WHAT IF I GO WITH ABIGAIL GILDER?- PADFOOT

_NOPE- MOONY_

NAYLEEN HIKERMAN?- PADFOOT

_STILL NOPE- MOONY_

GWENYTH PAXTER?- PADFOOT

_NO NO NO!! YOU CAN'T GO WITH ANYONE IF YOU WANT TO GET WITH BASIA UNLESS YOU GO WITH BASIA!!!- MOONY_

OH MAN, I REALLY WANTED THAT FIREWHISKEY- PADFOOT

I guess I have to tell Christie I can't go with her, bloody Moony stupid Merlin fucker. Well, that was ugly... I didn't expect such emotional attachment from a soon to be date that was only in place for 1 minute, I guess my new conditioner is really working. Ugh, hold on Minnie is getting all fussy, honestly there is NO PEACE IN THIS PLACE.

Sorry, Minnie had to go ask me a question about turning tea cozy's into tyrannasorous rexes... or maybe it was to yell at me about mine. She was all upset that I transfigured a "harmless" tea cozy into a "extremely vicious" monster. It's obvious somebody hasn't read when TEA COZY'S ATTACK by Gregor Lockhart. Anyowls, according to Moony today is Thursday which means tomorrow will be Friday, which means it'll be Basia's party and I am very bloody excited. Don't worry I will of course give you every detail but for now I must dash because old ProngsieWongsie is heading over here, most likely to be express his extreme jealousy over my good looks and hot body.. TA TA.

**Author's Note: Sorry I've been so bad at updating.. but please review and tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

Potions

Table with James, next to Table with Remus and Peter

ITS FRIDAY!!! I don't understand how the teachers can expect me to concentrate though, I mean honestly who can think about the correct mixture of bat wings and niffler clippings when there is a party tonight? NOT ME THATS WHO! Anyowls, the party starts at 8:00 so the Marauders will of course be arriving at 8:30, don't want to seem over eager obviously.

**YOU ARE OVER EAGER THOUGH DIARY BOY- PRONGS**

OVER EAGER HMM DOES LOVING LILY RING A BELL?- PADFOOT

**THAT WAS A LOW BLOW MATE- PRONGS**

SORRY BUT YOU STARTED IT- PADFOOT

**RIGHT RIGHT DIARY BOY- PRONGS**

LOWER BLOW- PADFOOT

**SORRY IT JUST IT NEVER GETS OLD HAHAHA- PRONGS**

Well, good thing I was quick thinking enough to send a Bat Bogey charm at him stupid prat. Now where was I? Oh right when we'll be arriving at the party, so yes 8: 30 is the perfect time and we'll of course leave at exactly 12:05, don't want to be one of those annoying people who definitley overstay there welcome but not those people who have to rush home in the fear of the CURFEW. Oh, Merlinfucker the potion is getting all firey I suppose I have to summon Moony to fix it... Merlin he's fussy today he must be PMSing (premoon spazzing) I guess I'll have to do it myself!!

Way Late

Bed Next to James, Diagonal from Remus, Next to Peter

Merlinfucker where do I begin? The party was was was... hold on let me ask Moony for a word. The party was _entertaining_. We got there and the Three Broomsticks was all done up in red and blue... apparently they are Basia's favorite colors. There were a lot of kids there and there was a dance floor, several couches, and tables where you could eat. Basia greeted us straight away and she looked really sexy in this black dress thing that was really tight and all, I thoroughly enjoyed looking at her in it. So we all got settled, you know the drill saying hi to everyone, grabbing a drink, chatting up a few birds and then the real party began.

So, Prongs had run off to find Lily who, even for a tight ass, looked pretty sexy to... Basia was sexier though, but anyowls so Prongs actually got the old Fussy Knickers to do a dance with him. Me and Moony did a celebratory round of shots for his victory over Evans. So, after Moony and I downed a few I went off to find Basia. I, lucky for her, was able to rescue her from this horrid looking boy in Ravenclaw... Fred Fitzpatrick I think his name is, anyowls, and got her to dance with me. She felt a little bad at first for my rescuing her from that awful boy, but then she loosened up and is really a wicked dancer.

**SHE GIVE YOU A HARD ON PAD?- PRONGS**

I DON'T KNOW... WHAT LILY GIVE YOU?- PADFOOT

**SHE GAVE ME A KISS!!! LILY LOVES ME LILY LOVES ME- PRONGS**

YEA YEA CONGRATS MATE- PADFOOT

**I KNEW SHE'D LOVE ME IN THE END! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!- PRONGS**

HMM GETTING COCKY?- PADFOOT

**HMM WRITING IN A DIARY?- PRONGS**

So, Basia and I really danced up a storm and then I offered to have a drink with her. She did, but she only had one... gave me some nonsense about being the hostess and needed to mingle. Very dissapointing but it was all made better when, at the end and this is the clincher...

SORRY, JUST HAVE YOU SEEN MY WAND? - WORMTAIL

AGAIN WORMYTAILY?- PADFOOT

I THINK I LEFT IT AT THE PARTY!! OH MOTHER IS GOING TO BE SO MAD... MUST KEEP LOOKING- WORMTAIL

Very sorry, stupid git would loose his head if it wasn't attached. Anyowls where was I? Oh yes, the clincher!! At the end we all went to find Basia to thank her and what not and after everyone had begun walking away and grabbed her up and we had a very short but intensely sexy ma-ck session. She's a wicked kisser too.

The party was a whole bloody load of fun, even Moony had a blast. I very charitably set him up with this bird from Hufflepuff, thought maybe his brains could rub off on her or something. I saw them kissing and almost pulled a Wormtail and lost my head I was so shocked. YAY FOR GIRLYPANTS!!!! Oof, my little Yay for GirlyPants victory dance was cut short when said GirlyPants through a pillow at me. How rude, after all I do for him. I must go retaliate!!

----

History of Magic

Next to Peter, Behind James, Diagonal from Remus

I tried to get in a little chat with Basia, but she seemed rather hurried and only gave me a quick wave. It was bloody annoying but I suppose it could be worse... I could have what happened to Prongs happen to me. Yes yes, upon remind are lovely little Lilyflower of what happened last night Lily promptly stomped on his foot and screamed, JAMES POTTER IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE WHAT HAPPENED I WILL I WILL... she seemed a bit at loss for words at this part so I kindly stepped into break the silence and remind her that there was no need to tell because everyone saw. She then, EXTREMELY RUDELY, stomped on my foot as though I had said something wrong. She's quite odd that Lily Evans. Everyone it appears is horribly grumpy today, especially little Moo Moo Moony, although I can forgive him because it is the full moon tonight.

_WOULD YOU BE CAREFUL WHERE YOU WRITE THAT!- MOONY_

WRITE WHAT?- PADFOOT

_WRITE ABOUT THE FULL MOON- MOONY_

DON'T BE SILLY MOONYTUNE THE ONLY RUDE PEOPLE WHO READ THIS ARE YOU PRONGS AND WORMYTAILY. HAVE NO FEAR MY SOMETIMES FURRY FRIEND- PADFOOT

_THANKS FOR THOSE KIND WORDS OF COMFORT- MOONY_

NOT AT ALL- PADFOOT

I really am a super friend, but more importantly I am super excited for tonight. I just love full moons there full of fun and of course moon. Although the whole Basia blow-off might put a damper on my evening, Merlin knows Lily's let down will put one on James. Although, he is in permanent let down all the time now he might be getting rather used to it and can stop pulling a Moaning Myrtle everytime it happens.

Charms

Desk Across from Remus, Next to James, Behind Peter

I hate that old Snivellus Snape, he's just one giant mass of oily yuck. If I ever turn psycho and end up having a "Hit List" like the creeps from all of Remus's hot neighbor's movie collection, he'll defintley be on the top of it. For now, I settled with growing his fingernails 3 inches in 3 seconds while painting them a vibrant red. Really suits him I don't know what old Minnie is on about deducting points... yet to see my brilliance obviously. I'll just bide my time, it'll come. Although, if I do accidentally inheirite some old Black magic and a need for killing I will manage to exert it on Snape.

I THOUGHT IT WAS SMART- WORMTAIL

MMM YEA- PADFOOT

YOUR TRULY BRILLIANT- WORMTAIL

THANKS WORMYTAILY, I HAVE BEEN TOLD- PADFOOT

Okay, I know I am excruciatingly (that's my M.W.O.T.D- Moony's Word Of The Day) handsome and charming and irristible, but sometimes that ol' Wormytaily freaks me outt. Hmm, anyowls, full moon TONIGHT. I AM SO PUMPEDDDD!!!! Oh great, girlypants is coming over here with his quill poised (M.W.O.T.D. from yesterday) it actually looks like he's holding a dagger. And he has that crazy look in his eyes like the time Jame's ate the last of his HoneyDukes chocolate secret stash, stupid Moony though ANYBODY could have found it, it was just under the slightly crooked bathroom tile with the Polyjuice Potion stain in the right corner... which is probably why James said it tasted soggy. Anyowls, must dash from from the crazy loon.

4:00 a.m.

Bed Next to James, Next to Peter, Three corridors down from Remus

Whoever said that werewolves loose control of themselves on the full moon is defintely off his rocker, REMUS WAS DEFINTLEY ATTACKING ME MORE. He is so sensitive, all I did was mention the full moon and perhaps let out a SLIGHT joke about him and that brainless Hufflepuff chick and now he's lost it. I mean it's really just not fair, I am such a supportive, loving, caring, giving, and sympathetic best friend to have and NOBODY appreciates it. I need to go have a good cry, I'll write more later.

**AWW IS DIARY BOY A WITTLE UPSWETTT?- PRONGS**

...- PADFOOT

**A/N: REVIEWW YOU KNOW YOU WANTT TO**


End file.
